What Happens When Men Sing Together? with Dom Stichbury

When was the last time you did something that made you feel slightly exposed, a little uncomfortable, but might just have opened up a whole new part of your life?

In this slightly different episode of Mid-Life Men, my guest is Dom Stichbury, founder and musical director of Chaps Choir, a London-based singing gang that's been bringing men together through music, performance and friendship since 2013.

And you don't have to think of yourself as a singer to get something from this conversation.

Dom started Chaps Choir after noticing how few younger men were involved in group singing. What began as an experiment attracted around 60 men on its first night and developed into something much bigger than a place to learn songs: a community where friendships form, confidence grows and men have permission to express parts of themselves they might keep hidden elsewhere.

Dom talks about why singing alongside other people can feel surprisingly powerful — particularly for men. There's vulnerability in simply using your voice in front of others, but also freedom in discovering that you don't have to be brilliant, polished or fearless to take part. As Dom explains, for some men just walking through the door of a choir is a significant step outside their comfort zone.

We explore why men need a wider range of places to meet than the traditional pub or football match; how a regular group can become an important anchor for someone feeling isolated; and why performing alongside your “gang” can create a powerful sense of achievement, self-confidence and belonging.

And this episode sounds different too. You'll hear three performances during the conversation, illustrating the extraordinary range of what a group of male voices can express — from power and energy to vulnerability and reflection:

Ole Laya Loila - a powerful piece inspired by the Sámi tradition of yoiking.
To All The Boys by Adam Beattie - a vulnerable song about men hiding their feelings.
Now Is Time — written by Dom around the urgency of taking action in our own lives and the wider world.

Perhaps the most important message is for the man listening who thinks, I couldn't possibly do that.

Dom's advice is simple: find a group that feels right, ask questions if you're nervous and give it a go. You may discover that using your voice alongside other people gives you far more than you expected.

Look online to find your local inclusive singing groups, for example, through the Natural Voice Network in the UK, or to find out more about Dom and his work, visit his website: dominicstichbury.com.