The Men We Think Are Fine... But Aren't, with Alfie Ruffell
From the outside, many of the men Alfie Ruffell knew looked like they were doing just fine. They were working, laughing with their mates and getting on with life. But behind the smiles, some were carrying struggles no one else could see. Several of them would later take their own lives.
After experiencing his own breakdown and losing close friends to suicide, Alfie realised that awareness alone isn't enough. The real challenge is reaching the men who never say they're struggling in the first place.
In this conversation we explore why so many men stay silent, what finally pushed Alfie to ask for help, and why he believes the current approach to men's mental health often misses those who are most at risk.
Rather than offering easy answers, Alfie shares the practical lessons he's learned through building Speak and working with men in one of the UK's toughest industries: construction. We also discuss recovery, accountability, community, the importance of being heard, and why small changes can become the first steps towards rebuilding a life.
In this episode you'll learn:
- Why outward success can hide overwhelming internal pressure.
- Why many men never tell anyone they're struggling.
- What Alfie learned from losing friends to suicide.
- How speaking openly changed the course of his own life.
- Why trust, not just awareness, is essential before many men will ask for help.
- What genuine recovery can look like beyond simply getting through the day.
- Small practical steps that can help when life feels overwhelming.
If you've ever wondered why some men never reach out, or if you've ever found yourself pretending everything is fine when it isn't, this conversation offers insight, hope and a reminder that no one has to carry everything alone.
If you'd like to learn more about Alfie and Speak, visit the website https://speak-uk.com, where you'll find practical mental health support, resources, information about campaigns and how to join the SPEAK community.
